How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
