just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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