Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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