I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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