I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
