i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My bed smells like the plague
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
