i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
