He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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