Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
