i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize