Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
