i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
