My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
