this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
