I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
