Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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