Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
