Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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