i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
