Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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