i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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