I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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