I want to make a zoo with you.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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