He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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