Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
