mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
