so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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