I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
