I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
