if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
