Don't make out with my wife yet
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
