the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
