Life is so much better after having sex.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
