How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
