we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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