She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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