Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
