There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize