so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
