well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
