Where is the hickey?
Soap is not a condiment
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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