If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
