Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
