Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
