I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
