dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
