Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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