Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
