Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
