Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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