Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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