i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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