I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize