Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
