not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
