It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
