we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
