i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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