You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
