Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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