just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
