You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
