The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
