Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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