dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
