And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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