Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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