Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
