I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
